hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
