'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
