There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
