another moral hangover. fuck.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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