Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
