Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
