I want to stick my p in your. b.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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