wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
