i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
