Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We need to rekindle our bromance
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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