***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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