so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
