I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Welp...herpes.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
