I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
