I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
