a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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