I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
