we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
