i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
