Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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