I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
