that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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