Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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