I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
