You're my little dorito
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize