i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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