If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
