Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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