im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
