She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
