I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
