totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize