even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
