If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
