Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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