I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize