He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
