Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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