you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
