I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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