how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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