Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
