Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i would punch a child for taco bell
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
