But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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