they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
