I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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