So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
