My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
