..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
