I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
