I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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