Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
