I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
