Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
