were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
