Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
they're like a gay fantastic four
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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