Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
