Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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