i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
