i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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