I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
