Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
