hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
