I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
