A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
