Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
