Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
