One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
