did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
