at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
