I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
