I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
